Clay's Way by Mastbaum Blair

Author:Mastbaum, Blair [Mastbaum, Blair]
Language: nld
Format: epub
ISBN: 9789491318009
Publisher: MERC Books
Published: 2011-07-22T07:00:00+00:00

Chapter 16

Warm summer morning.

No light thing being a man.

Wind blowing steady.

Clay is pissing out the door flap of the tent when I wake up. His butt is squeezed tightly, shooting his piss as far as he can, so it won’t drip down the side. He walks outside naked and picks a mountain apple off a tree.

I watch him secretly.

He takes a big crunchy bite and looks up at the sky, with a moaning yawn. He looks like primitive man.

I wish I felt as comfortable naked as he does. I slide on my underwear and Clay’s faded black T-shirt, and walk out to see him.

He leans over the stream and takes a messy gulp of water. He notices me behind him and cups his dick and balls with his hands. He ducks into the tent, shaking water off his face, and comes back out in boxer shorts with Hawaiian tiki drawings on them.

I’m confused why he’s acting so modest after last night.

We were naked together. He sucked my dick, but Clay’s not himself in the morning. He’s always grouchy when he wakes up. He says bad morning moods run in his family.

I roll my eyes at him, wearing his silly boxer shorts.

“What’s that look for?” He looks away and busies himself by packing up our shit in the backpacks.

“Your underwear are hilarious.”

“It’s a traditional tapa pattern,” he says rudely.

“Sorry. God. I wish you were naked, that’s all.” My heart beats fast from saying something so truthful to him.

He looks off, with his head tilted, like he doesn’t understand why I would say that. “Not now.” He begins pacing the perimeter of our site, like a guard dog.

I feel my face turn red. I was dumb to think I could be affectionate without Clay trying to regulate my feelings for him.

Daytime is back and he wants us to be serious, start talking in code, hide our emotions. He has to start worrying about what people think of him and how to pick the right part of himself to make each situation smooth.

My defenses rise immediately to match his. I stand up straighter and stop mannerisms that could be considered un-masculine. I have to stop laughing casually about things I think are funny. That’s too girlish. Now’s the time to speak to him with lots of dude and brah and man added in.

He distances himself from what he’s saying with those words, by sounding like every other stupid surfer in Hawaii. Talking like this works for him when he has to say something personal or deal with one of his personalities clashing. This is also when the dumb surferboy Clay comes in. He thinks he’s cool when he’s acting like a dumb ass. Too much passion of any kind, except for surfing, could come off as striving-for-something-you-haven’t-attained, and that’s a sign of weakness.

“What do you wanna do today?”

“Surf,” he snaps. “Think. Be alone. Motor out of here.”

My heart drops. I clench my teeth to stop from getting angry or sad. “I guess I’ll just walk back to town then.

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